attention

my eldest child is new to being an adult. She’s not present to the impact of her words, and actions have on others. She’s claimed that she’s felt that she’s wanted to commit suicide. this ALARMED me to say the least.

lately she’s been distant, so naturally I’ve been concerned. I spoke with her this morning, and I got that she got that i am genuinely concerned. She choose to not ease my concern. I got that she’s looking for attention. Today I’m choosing to not pay attention to the negative, and to nurture the behavior I want to see more of. parenting 101.

 

Also there is another side to this story. When she was a small child, because of how my mother spoke of my dad, I choose to say little to nothing about her dad to her. I choose him, she didn’t and it is a disservice to her to impose my views of him on her. 

the only time she spent with him was created by me. he never attempted to see her. so a couple of years ago, she started going to his house on her own. Curiosity! He showed up as himself, and now she’s heart broken. He talks very badly of me. She’s told me recently that she wished she had known something about him, she wished that I had told her. She wished she had never discussed me with him. I couldn’t, my relationship is not as a child of his, but of something else. She asked why don’t I, even in the face of his verbal attacks, don’t I attack back? It’s not who I am. I feel that I got the best of him in her. I will never put him down in front of her. I will never taint her view of him, with my experience of him. I see that I have hurt her by remaining silent. She was not prepared for him. 

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have changed a thing in my choice to remain silent.

 

Adama

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