me

In the past year, I have gained seventy-five pounds. The event that I mentally trace back to the beginning of the end was the Gal/Wash party given by Dwayne. 

My first love was present with his wife, and Dwayne, my wish love was present and he said ‘no’ to me again. Any who, my love, we were separated many years ago by the Rodney King riots and my mother leaving. As a result of these events, he started a criminal career, by looting, and I started my drinking career, which lasted seven years.

 Once I sobered up, I saw him just a few times throughout the years. Last year, he found me on Facebook, and we talked about the party (reunion) and we both decided that we’d go. When I saw him, I just wanted to hug his neck. I’m shaking my head as I remember the night. After that night, we planned to have lunch. It was never my intention to be anything but friends. He was instrumental in my support when my mom left, and we used to talk all night, and many other bounding things. 

In the end, I posted something on FB he didn’t approve of, and he said so, (This was after I asked that we not meet for lunch because he is married and my heart ached to deep for his presence. We agreed to not be in touch directly.) I responding to his message harshly, and he replied in kind. I’ve been eating every since and I really wish I could see my way out. 

Why is this important to my 3beautifuldaughters blog? My little girls like my fat self, and my oldest grew up with a fat mama, so they are content with my weight. I am not. I’ve made many attempts to gain control, by giving up certain foods, only to turn to those foods when under stress with family, work, or just plan sad. 

My plan is to suit up the little ones and start walking/exercising. I signed us all up for Yoga.

Adama

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