So I have a child that really does
June 12, 2013

So I have a child that really does not like following directions, and if something is in front of her that she doesn’t want to do, she will not. She’s almost 8, and I’ve gotten used to her crying spells (she cries for 40 minutes on average), which have gotten better since she was a toddler, but harder to deal with because she’s a lot older. She has zero coping skills or strong manipulative skills. I can’t yet figure that out, but she is VERY smart.

She had a dental appointment today, and prior to our arrival, she said, “momma I don’t want to go to the dentist, and when that try to open my mouth with the tool, I’m going to push it out with my tongue”. She made good on that promise. Her behavior was so upsetting that I cried, just a little. I feel that changes need to be made in how I discipline my daughters, and how I run my house. 

I’m coming to realize, that although it’s nice to be fare, I can not use a democratic method raising children. they need a strong leader, and sometimes even a dictator.  Today was the worse day with her. and that’s saying something. 

How did I punish her? I gave her a lengthy “time out” with a promise of double time if that happens again. 

I’m a single parent, and I’m tired. 


I know why the caged Bird SIngs
January 8, 2013

This is a very popular title. Although I’ve never read the book, today it hit me. I sing (complain, hate getting up in the morning) because I deal with sibling conflict every morning. It drains me.  

From Dec 17, 2012 to Jan 7, 2013 my little ones were on vacation, and my adult child stayed home with them, so I did not have to wake them for two weeks and I was able to sleep until after 7am. 

My point is, this morning, the second day back to school Kamilah (6) comes to me crying, saying that Asha (7) is “messing” with her. Asha yells back “she’s lying”. Kamilah falls out on the carpet and starts kicking and screaming. I’m eating breakfast and refuse to get involved with the routine fights of the morning, so I pushed Kamilah to go brush her teeth in the other bathroom. She cried a little longer, but was quiet all the way to school.

Asha was upset that I asked about the events in the bathroom, and almost teared up, but stopped. She pouted until we reached outside, then she angrily stated “it’s cold and i hate walking in the cold”. Now yesterday it was cold, and she said “tomorrow I’m wearing my big purple coat so that I’ll be warm”. Ask yourself, “did she wear the purple coat, or the pretty new sweater she got for x-mas?” You’re correct, she wore the pretty sweater. I reminded her before we left the house that she wanted to wear the purple coat. Five blocks later, she still had a frown on her face, so I asked “what’s the matter are you still too cold?” She said, “No” I asked “well what’s wrong?”… Are you ready for the reply? She said, “I can’t see the moon.”

This would have been funny, if they hadn’t already drained a bit from me with the fight earlier this morning. 

From this point on, I will sing a different tune. No more complaints only solutions.  




April 3, 2012

my eldest child is new to being an adult. She’s not present to the impact of her words, and actions have on others. She’s claimed that she’s felt that she’s wanted to commit suicide. this ALARMED me to say the least.

lately she’s been distant, so naturally I’ve been concerned. I spoke with her this morning, and I got that she got that i am genuinely concerned. She choose to not ease my concern. I got that she’s looking for attention. Today I’m choosing to not pay attention to the negative, and to nurture the behavior I want to see more of. parenting 101.


Also there is another side to this story. When she was a small child, because of how my mother spoke of my dad, I choose to say little to nothing about her dad to her. I choose him, she didn’t and it is a disservice to her to impose my views of him on her. 

the only time she spent with him was created by me. he never attempted to see her. so a couple of years ago, she started going to his house on her own. Curiosity! He showed up as himself, and now she’s heart broken. He talks very badly of me. She’s told me recently that she wished she had known something about him, she wished that I had told her. She wished she had never discussed me with him. I couldn’t, my relationship is not as a child of his, but of something else. She asked why don’t I, even in the face of his verbal attacks, don’t I attack back? It’s not who I am. I feel that I got the best of him in her. I will never put him down in front of her. I will never taint her view of him, with my experience of him. I see that I have hurt her by remaining silent. She was not prepared for him. 

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have changed a thing in my choice to remain silent.



This is the Life
October 11, 2011


It’s been a long three days. My 2nd born was ill Friday, but I think she was afraid that she’d be in trouble with her teacher. She misplaced the star of the week bear. We found it.

I’m getting ready to have it all. me time, them time, and we time.

my little baby
October 6, 2011

Greetings from the world of a 4 year old. i looove my daughter. It is very interesting to watch my girls grow up and into their own personalities. My littlest girl likes to pick her own clothes, and her own shoes, and everything must match the way she likes it. This does not mean that the clothes match each other.  So every morning, even if she’s picked clothes out the night before, there are decisions to make. Minds have been changed and the prettiest shirt the night before is now on the ,”I don’t like that list”.  This is only a problem because she does not like to wake in the morning, and she wont make the switch until I’ve walked pass her room and have seen her standing there with a sad face.

It is truly a joy who I get to be for her.


Being the only Parent
October 5, 2011

Today started at 6:35am, so that means I woke late. I calmly got my girls dressed, and there was no fuss and no muss.

Because the girls are in separate classrooms, but thankfully at the same school, I feel a little less connected than I did last year when I had 2 different location drop offs.

I called my dad, who’s in Tampa with his dying mother, and he heard the sadness in my voice. I wished that I had another parent in the house.  He said, “don’t be upset about what you don’t have, be great with what you have”. and “do not wish for something you might get and can’t handle or won’t like” lol. My dad I love him so, and my heart is filled with sadness for him as he sits by his mother’s side.

As  parent who is parenting alone, I’m doing a good job with them. The problem is where I am left.

Today will be here and gone. I will hug my babies and love what I have and what I don’t have.


Sept 29th
September 30, 2011

9:27pm and both little ones are sleeping. they proudly completed their homework, and I patiently and proudly assisted. I read to one then paused and guided the other with tally marks. There were a ton of tally marks in this assignment.  I created spaghetti with butter, whole corn, lemon pepper, and salt for dinner, and they loved it.  With only my income supporting the 4 of us, and one more full day until pay day, we are STRAPPED for food. Tomorrows dinner will be interesting.

My teen is in her room on the phone and she wants to leave school 6 weeks into her first semester. I’ve said her entire life that I will support anything, except a choice to do NOTHING. Give me your plan, and I’ll help you get there.  I am surprisingly NOT shocked that I have EVERY intention to NOT support an adult child that doesn’t want to assist in her own support.


Ending Sept 28, 2011
September 29, 2011

Today is my mother’s 57th birthday, and she’s in the hospital recovering from a nasty fall.  2 of my daughters and I visited her for a short time this evening.

This day began with us having an extra 15 minutes of sleep, which left us 35 minutes to get dressed and leave for school and work. The commute was quieter than usual. Usually one of my little ones find a reason to cry, and I’m rushing, not physically, to get them to school (those poor teachers).  With the quiet commute, I was able to be with my children for this short time we have before leaving them for 10 hours.

So the end of our day, was lovely. I so appreciate my mother, children and the teachers in between.