My Girls Only
March 15, 2013

As a single parent, who is in-love with her children, I may have to come to terms with there being a limit to the contribution (time) I can offer an organization. In turn this might limit the amount of money I can earn, maybe!

I’m in Grad school, planning to apply for a PhD, and I work, so my time is a commodity that I need to distribute with thought and care. I see:

  1. Work as the most flexible necessity
  2. School as my fun, my time, my treat to self
  3. Family, my children, as my contribution to the earth, so they are my gift from God, but who they are to others depends on me and how loved and cared for they are.

 With this clarity, Saturday’s are for my girls only.

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long time, no write
March 13, 2013

You ever feel like you’ve made a really big boo boo? Or that you’ve made so many boo boo’s that you’re frozen, like a deer in headlights?”

If I were looking at my life from outside of my life, it would appear that I do not plan well. In my twenties, I took on raising a daughter, alone, and business ownership. The first was a success, by my measurements, the second was not. In my late twenty’s I moved to Atlanta, and BOMBED horribly. I moved back to CA with two additions to the family: Asha and Kamilah, my little ones. I love these girls. So at that time I felt that I am taken on the world, ventured out, took chances, made mistakes, and repairs. After several years of the “mishap”, I settled down in CA. me and my three daughters. I got used to starting over. It was harder and harder. I got tired, and I felt it.

I’ve been pretty quiet for the past 3 years or so. Last year I got an idea: I wanted to apply to graduate school, so I did. And guess WHAT????? I got in J I was the only person shocked.

 

Now, I’m in my second semester in the graduate program, and I love it. When I started college at 22, I knew that I was going ALL the WAY, planning to apply to Harvard for PhD.

I’ve driven across the country several times, packed up apartments in no time, but this program (smh as I typing this part), is whipping my butt. It feels like the program is just highlighting how spread out my daily activities are: children in SF, work on Oakland, 1.5 to 1:45 hour commute twice per day, or public transit.

 I’m pooped! So I come to the conclusion that A. I need to work, B. I will not give up on my dreams (grad school and beyond), C. referring to A, I need to change something.

Asha and Mom
September 8, 2012

My 7 year old is the most difficult child I have. She resist almost every new idea, and challenges everything I ask of her. Today, although I suffer from Achilles tendinitis and am in pain, I am committed to finding ways for them to have positive outlets. I signed up for an introductory yoga class, and Asha has been saying no no no no and whining ever since I’ve told them about it. 

what I see in her is my resistance to life and choice. I realized yesterday that I have a huge fire in me to do something big. I am interested in things that I fear like politics, economy and I have a deep desire to learn how things work to understand. I don’t fear the subjects only what I think it will take from me to live a fully actualized life. 

Just for today I will take one step toward becoming who I am meant to be.

 

Adama

my little baby
October 6, 2011

Greetings from the world of a 4 year old. i looove my daughter. It is very interesting to watch my girls grow up and into their own personalities. My littlest girl likes to pick her own clothes, and her own shoes, and everything must match the way she likes it. This does not mean that the clothes match each other.  So every morning, even if she’s picked clothes out the night before, there are decisions to make. Minds have been changed and the prettiest shirt the night before is now on the ,”I don’t like that list”.  This is only a problem because she does not like to wake in the morning, and she wont make the switch until I’ve walked pass her room and have seen her standing there with a sad face.

It is truly a joy who I get to be for her.

Adama

Catch Up
October 4, 2011

It’s been several days since my last post, and there are several reasons why I have not blogged, but I will not go deep into them.  What I will say is my life needs a bit more workability.

Over the past few days I’ve gotten a lot accomplished, and I’ve been moving one step at a time, AND I see many places where I need plans in place.

As I wake each morning with my lovely children, and start our commute, my enthusiasm diminishes.  I heard myself say today that I hate my life. The parts that I love sometimes gets crowded with the parts that aren’t working.

I want to do more with my money than pay bills. So I am looking for a new apartment in a beautiful neighborhood that cost less than what I’m currently paying.  We have a very large apartment now (size doesn’t matter), but the neighborhood stinks (really).

I’m tired of moving and having this unmanageable life.  Looking for peace.

Adama